I am in love with this book

I'm an image/photo junkie, and a book junkie, and this hits all the sweet spots for me. This book, Capture the Moment, came into my life through this totally cool thing I also want to tell you guys about, but first, this book. Swoon. The author is Sarah Wilkerson and the book is a compilation of photos from her site, http://www.clickinmoms.com/. It's also a terrific analysis of what makes a photo really compelling. A lot of the observations are things we all probably understand intuitively but never made explicit, and some are a new way of looking at things (for me, anyway). There are exercises in every section, and just taking each idea and playing with it intentionally would be a lifetime of exercises in itself. It reframes the way I think about what I see and capture in that instant. And did I mention gorgeous? Oh my, yes, yes it is. An image on each page, every one exquisite.

Now, how I happened on this: I read a book review that included a disclaimer about where the book came from - this thing called Blogging for Books. So I went to investigate. You choose from a bunch of new issue books in a bunch of different categories, all of which you choose. They send you a copy for free and you write something about the book. It doesn't have to be favorable, and in fact (I need to double check this) I don't think it has to actually be a review. I'm pretty sure you can just reference the book which probably has something to do with something you're interested in talking about, since you chose it. Anyway, it's very cool and I'm so glad I tried it out. Thank you, book people! Here's a link to them if you're interested:  http://www.bloggingforbooks.org/

This is the cover image, and it's ALL this delicious:

How to make soup

A friend is dying - not in the broad sense, but right now, in a hospital room. She is someone I'm both close to and not close, and my partner is very much part of her extended family. She's there with the person leaving right now, helping the family and waiting. I'm not. I don't belong there. So I'm just waiting, making soup, herding dogs, washing dishes. It's bitterly cold today, with snow coming. Our old, drafty house is both warm and not warm, depending on where you stand and whether you just came in from outside. Never again seems like a very long time right now, and I'm both sad and not sad. If I were still living in California, today is a day I would go walk on the beach. And I would be warmer than I am here.

The soup is mostly root veggies - sweet potatoes, parsnips, carrots, gold potatoes - with celery and garlic and mushrooms. The root veggies get chopped, tossed with oil and herbs and roasted before they go into the pot of broth. I love winter soups. I never made soup for the friend who is leaving, and now I never will. The shared soup and the conversation we would have had over our bowls is something that didn't become part of whatever consciousness she's taking away from this. Another never.

So go make soup. Share it with a friend. Put good things into your body and your consciousness and love this day, every day, whatever it brings. Stay warm. Go for a walk. Listen to music you love. But first, make the soup.

Words

I've had several of these conversations recently, in different venues, about people feeling that speaking out is pointless, whether it's petitions, phone calls, political activism, and even just talking about things - the common demoninator is something like "Oh, it's all just talk and you aren't really accomplishing anything.". I want all of you thinking this way to stop it right now. There's a reason that freedom of speech needs to be a protected right, and a reason it's suppressed so often. Words have power.
We seem to be kind of in a pretzel about this. There's a huge outcry against bullying, and in particular, cyber bullying. We recognize that words have power and pat ourselves on the back for being supportive of people who are victimized by the power of words and public access to words.  But then we turn around and say that speaking out for what you see as the best, most humane and fair path, and speaking out against unfairness, is just pointless. Prove that it accomplishes anything. Show me how that matters. Nobody cares about your petitions and shit.
Here's how it matters: words have power. The suppression of words is one of the worst forms of oppression. It matters that you look honestly at the world around you and participate in keeping it as kind and fair as possible to the best of your ability, including naming what you see happening and bringing attention to it. Every single one of us is a steward, and abdicating the power of your words and your voice isn't a legitimate option. The power of words has been pivotal at every turning point in recorded history. Words have power.

About holidays

In honor of Easter weekend and Passover, neither of which I celebrate, I'm making a list of the holidays I do celebrate. I'm devoutly non-religious, and I consider atheism a religion as well, so basically I'm the pope of "how should I know?", and I take my responsibilities seriously.

So here is what I celebrate. I celebrate New Years as often as possible. January 1st, Chinese New Year, my birthday and everyone else's as personal New Years, any opportunity at all. I pledge to new year's revolutions and sometimes stick with them. I'm not particularly pagan, although I do love me a good ritual. Unfortunately, I haven't really seen a good ritual since I left California, so that element is not much of a draw at this point. But I celebrate the quarters, the solstices and equinoxes, and the cycles of the moon, because they're actual real things and lovely markers of time here on this planet. I am not interested in the accessory activities, the spells and self important seriousness and the...stuff. I celebrate mardi gras in the festive sense, not the catholic sense, because I never turn down a good party with costumes. I celebrate Arbor Day, because, hello, trees. I celebrate the 4th of July because I love exploding things that are on fire. I'm not much about flags, although Tibetan prayer flags are lovely.

I used to refuse Valentine's Day, but have recently reconsidered and now I view it as a day to celebrate love. Not just romantic love, but the capital L kind of Love. Big love. It almost comes full circle to when I was in grade school and you had to give everyone a valentine, not just the people you especially liked. It's a day to remember to not just be in love, but be love. So now we're friends again, valentine's day and me.

I celebrate All Hallow's Eve and Day of the Dead, because did I mention costumes and parties? Yes, that.

I really like exploring other people's holidays, even when I think the reason behind them is silly, and sometimes once is enough. But other ones are just fun to play with. India has a lot of great celebrations to offer, and they don't seem to be too grimly serious. I appreciate that. Who can't like a day dedicated to lights, for example? What a great idea.

I don't celebrate what I call florists' holidays - Mother's Day, Father's Day, you know the ones. When my son was little his second grade teacher forced him to make me a card for Mother's Day. He kept saying, "she really doesn't want anything" and she kept saying "oh, she's just saying that", and he kept saying "no, she actually means it" (yes, he said things like that at that age), and then he brought it home and handed it to me and said, "I'm sorry, she made me do it.". The thing is, he gave me cards and drawings and paintings and cool stuff he found every day and he completely understood that he didn't need a day assigned to be nice to me. It wasn't a duty. We really liked each other. So anyway, I don't do those kinds of holidays.

I've gone back and forth with christmas. I started out observing only the solstice, then my kiddo felt left out because everyone he knew celebrated on a different day, then I've recently gotten so pissed off at the overbearing exhortations from people who can't tolerate the idea of a secular celebration and want everyone to "put the Christ back in christmas" and remind us that "Jesus is the reason for the season" (bear in mind, I live in the south), that I've gone back to the solstice. But I don't like the idea of celebrating as a season of spending and shopping and gluttony and family obligations. I don't care at all for the idea that one shopping season determines the financial success of the retail industry - this seems insane. If people have to buy a bunch of crap for other people that the other people don't need and often don't even want, this is not a viable business model to begin with. I like to give people things when I'm inspired to, not when I'm told to. So anyway, what I celebrate on the solstice is that every day starts having more light than the last. At the same time, it's the marker for when the plans you made are going to prove themselves - if I didn't have a grocery store down the street, it would be the season where what I had managed to put up for the winter would be my survival. It marks the beginning of seeds thinking about themselves underground, of animals holding back and waiting, it's a pause. Pauses are important. Pauses are what keep music from being screeching cacaphony. The solstice starts the balancing act, and it makes the rest of the year music.

Some miscellaneous extra days: I celebrate cinco de mayo (which many people mistakenly think is the Mexican Fourth of July) because, beer and tacos - somewhat the same way I celebrate St Patrick's day, except that doesn't have tacos. I celebrate Thanksgiving by going to this Indian restaurant we love. I really dislike turkey as a food substance. I don't think it should exist in that way. I celebrate Earth Day especially if it involves a good drum circle, but I think if we don't celebrate every day as earth day, we're fucked.

I celebrate Kris' and my "anniversary", which was the day she asked if she could crash here with her dog because her friend's cat was sick and her dog was disruptive and we were both working Fringe Fest and she lived kind of far out of town, and then she didn't leave after that.

So. Whatever it is you use to mark portions of your year and meaningful days, enjoy. Have fun, share love, try to get some drumming and dancing in. What do you celebrate?

You can't fix stupid.

We've elected a government that thinks government is a bad idea - anybody see a problem with that? -  and who are apparently too stupid to grasp global economics. We've elected people who compare the solvency of treasury notes internationally to a household and credit cards. It is not a useful analogy. Households, first of all, aren't allowed to mint their own currency. Second, they don't hold the trust and investment of the rest of the planet in peril if they don't pay their credit card. This is nothing like a household maintaining a budget, and I used to think these wackjobs were dumbing it down to push their agenda past voters who are none too bright. Now I think they actually are really, really dim witted themselves. I don't know what to do about that.

Kerfuffle is my new fave word

There was a recent extended family kerfuffle involving a new driver who in fact does not text and drive but was threatened with dismemberment and a home lobotomy if she considered doing so. You know how families get. Now, I think that texting while driving is a form of insanity. You also should not read a magazine, play a video game or perform surgery. This is just obvious stuff, right?

Here's where I get confused. There's also a public, legal push to make all cell use while driving prohibited, even fully hands off, because it's too "distracting". Really? Because then, right off the bat, the display panel in my Prius should be arrested immediately. But beyond that, shouldn't we have only single passenger vehicles? And CD players and radios should be removed straight away. If you have children in your car, they should be padlocked into car seats in the back with a soundproof privacy window between their compartment and yours. You know, like in those cars in spy thrillers. Anyone in the passenger seat should be required to wear a ball gag - wiffle balls make the best homemade, cheap ones, as the person can still breathe even if their nose gets stuffed up from the crying. Store them in your glove compartment - come on, you know you don't have that thing filled
with gloves. Also, humming or whistling should get you a moving violation.

Isn't it possible that we could all agree that driving big dangerous missiles at high speeds requires attention, and at the same time not become complete psychos? Of  course no one should text while driving. But you can't talk to someone on a voice activated hands free device? If that's too distracting, stay out of your car. Please.

And I think you should also be required to wear a helmet. A soundproofed one. And possibly bubble wrap, which can really work with the whole ball gag look. Please send me the photos. But don't take them on your phone while in the car. Possibly if you untie your passenger they could take the photo for you. Then wrap them right back up and be on your way.

This time it's personal

I have a sort of objection to the "born this way" perspective on equal rights. I think everyone should have equal rights to choices between consenting adults legally. Churches can sanction what they wish. But people should all equally have the right to choose their legal family. As a matter of fact, I think the number should not be limited to just two, and it shouldn't matter what the combination of genders are.  That should only be the concern of the people involved. The justification shouldn't be that you have no other option. It shouldn't need to be.

Here's my personal, very personal, perspective:  I have a same sex partner whom I adore. I have had opposite sex partners as well. I've had a lot of interesting experiences. I'm not with the person I'm with because I was choosing from a pool of 50% of the population, but out of everyone. So the idea that we should have gay rights only because there are people on that end of the scale who genuinely are only attracted to one gender and THAT'S why same sex partnerships should be acknowledged,  because they can't help it, like it's some kind of disability, pisses me off. It pisses me off because it leaves me out, it pisses me off because it leaves free choice out, it pisses me off because it assumes that the genitals I interact with are anyone else's business.  Having legal family status matters - maybe in ways that it shouldn't. Maybe we should just legally be individuals, and we'll pretend families don't exist. 

There are ways to get around most of it, but it's cost prohibitive if you aren't dealing drugs to a lawyer. And some stuff you still can't get past, and I really, really wish we can just get over it. I don't understand why my choice of family concerns anyone outside of my family.

There, thanks. It isn't like I have the fantasy that saying these things changes anything, but it's still lovely to put it out there.